What next?

I feel so confused right now. I thought I was doing so good but all of a sudden I feel like I've never had any success in my life. I was feeling better with work, I was busy outside of work, I was getting paid for my side hustles, I was trying to focus my mind, I was dating a guy that was different - seemed just like he was just what I needed. Now all of that is actively the same but I feel so different about it. I feel abandoned for literally no reason. I'm doing just fine and I don't know why I don't feel like I am. It's almost like it's fully in my head. I cannot get out of bed in the morning which is affecting my job, I sleep all day when I'm not at work so I can't sleep at night. I sold $100 worth of stuff from my lego website and I posted another $400 worth of inventory. I am still journaling every day and meditating on the side. I was actually trying to focus on one guy instead of dating him and distracting myself with other people on the side, but now I kind of want to… My anxiety is growing and I'm trying so hard to curb it but at this point I have no idea how to. Maybe it is time to make an appointment for a psychiatrist… I spent all that time looking for one, I might as well go see them. It's summer but I can already feel the depression creeping in.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Baby is real

I think I felt the baby move. It was very trippy. But very cool as well. We also found out recently that it's a girl. I'm having a baby girl. Now that I'm showing and feeling it and can shop for it, it all seems more real. This isn't going to be a long post because there isn't a lot to say. I'm really not doing much but growing a human is enough for me I guess. So we've started shopping. We have a crib, a bassinet and some artwork for the nursery. Also we just have a bunch of cute clothes. Not anything real big although she's going to be born in winter. The next step is a carseat stroller combo. Any suggestions? Basically I want just a bunch of black or grey onsies for her easy clothes and then sweats and leggings to wear over them.
Read more

Oregon

This was an adventure in a weird way. It was supposed to just be me hanging out with my brother and getting him out to explore the place that he's lived in for 6 months. It kind of worked... However I flew into Portland and he lives in Medford... That's a 4 hour drive. He told me that he would pick me up and I convinced him to spend the night before I left to come back in Portland. Also since Dylan took the whole time I was there off I asked if we could drive out to the coast and see the ocean. It was not a short drive. So basically Dylan drove the 4 hours to Portland picked me up and we drove back and it took us about 10 hours to get home. But Oregon is so pretty! I've been lucky to not drive myself but to spend a lot of time in the car just exploring. The next day we were going to go hiking but we ended up just watching TV (sleeping through 11 episode of a TV show.) We must have needed it though because we were both in and out of conciousness. I really felt like I had a g...
Read more

Buffy 4

Remember when I was only watching Buffy and I was like I think I'll go through this show too fast so be ready... Well here's the next installment. I watched this a lot slower because I pretty much stopped watching TV... I know! But the fourth season of Buffy was just as good as the others even without Angel. Pretty quickly we meet Riley who is obviously only there to be with Buffy. He's also very attractive in a very different way. Riley has that QB look over that dark and broody look. But Riley isn't as innocent as he seems... It turns out that Riley is living a double life and soon drags Buffy into it. This season has of course; Buffy, Willow, and Xander but also we see a little of Giles, Oz, Spike, and Xander's new girlfriend Anya. But it's still very different than the other seasons. Buffy seems a lot more on her own. Everyone kind of has their own thing going on and it made it not as fun to watch. No offense to the individual characters but I wat...
Read more