Gratitude Journal 3

I think I realize why my gratitude journals suck. It's because I didn't go deep enough. I'm so surface level all the time. I think I'll do this again later but I need a little break to refocus myself. I made the realization recently that I'm not vulnerable... I need to be vulnerable but I don't know how to even start. I think I thought that eventually I would find some perfect man who would open me up and all of sudden I wouldn't be so scared of myself. But that doesn't happen. For example my exhusband just closed me up more. I felt even more ashamed than I ever had before. So I need to stop expecting life to change me and change myself. Yeah I'm not going to go into any specific details because I emotionally can't. I need to keep everything on the surface after all. But I am going to start working on vulnerability, I've check Pinterest for ideas and I've read a couple self help books on the subject but I don't think just reading is going to help. And I don't think talking about it is enough either. I need something to draw it out of me. Like a trick almost. So um anyone have any ideas? I've been thinking about seeing an energy healer... In fact, my therapist suggested it. But would a factory reset help in this case? I don't want to ignore my trauma. I want to embrace and learn from it, overcome it, beat it. But I'm really not sure how to do that. I thought therapy would do it but it's not really what I was expecting and planning on. I think it's my fault and my therapist is ready and willing for me to open up to him but I just really don't know how and now that's stressing me out as much as the trauma I'm avoiding. I don't know what to do. So there is my rant for the day. I am going to post this just randomly after I write it which I never do. I have 5 other posts scheduled to come out already but I feel like I need to get this out there. So um any tips?

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