Scorpio season

I shut down this month. But I kind of had permission to. See the end of October was really trying. I've been feeling like I'm failing at a lot of things this year. I know I'm not alone but I feel very alone right now. I have the best friends but I'm not keeping them around. I don't really push them away but I feel so negative right now and I don't want to push that energy on everyone else so I'm using the same precautions as COVID. If you keep your distance, you can't get them sick... So in an effort to alienate negativity it's worked and I just kind of sit at home by myself all night and sleep all day. Now I say I've been given permission because scorpio season is kind of a more preparatory time. It's all about getting ready for the holidays I guess but also it's Sagittarius next and that's a fire sign which is opposite of Scorpio's water. So November can be pretty emotional but December is more warm and outgoing. Plus I'm a Sag. sun sign and a Scorpio moon which means I thrive during Sag season but I really want to be by myself during Scorpio season. So I have. I still work full time and I showed up the few times my friends asked me to but I got a lot of TV and sleep time. The kind of time when I feel so lazy and I want to change that but I think it's also important to embrace what we're feeling. Plus when I'm home watching TV I cry a lot while watching these shows, sometimes over the dumbest stuff but I was still crying which is what I really want to embrace. I wish I could open up and feel my emotions but I can't even cry about myself I only cry when things happen to fake people, what is wrong with me? I'm hoping if I keep learning about vulnerability I'll be able to randomly start feeling vulnerable. That's what I've been working on this Scorpio season, being vulnerable and it's very hard. I go to therapy every other week and talk about nothing. Why can't I talk about real stuff? A couple weeks ago I helped a friend move and while we drove from house to house we had a real talk. And it was fantastic, I love this friend but most of our conversations have been about what's going on in our lives not how we felt about it. We talked about all of it. It was very cathartic and I want more of it.

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