Medication

This is just me trying something new. I let my doctor put me on sleep meds. It usually takes about 2 weeks to regulate... Also we might have to mess with the dose. This is why I've avoided medication for most of my life. They all have terrible potential symptoms but they sell it because "they don't happen often" But there is no way to notice ahead of time how it will affect the specific person. I had a physical reaction to birth control but at the time I thought of it as a necessary evil. It's not though. I've avoided anything permanent ever since then. By permanent I just mean I had to take that popular steriod thing for 5 days once to calm an allergic reaction. It worked but I knew it was only for 5 days so I wasn't concered. But sleep meds. That's not even used to put people to sleep... I guess they way they work is to make me groggy for about 10 hours. Eventually if I don't feel like doing anything else I'll decide on my own to fall asleep? But it is supposed to keep me alseep once it's in my system. I mean for the most part they have worked. Especially right at first but it also seemed like it stayed in my system for longer than that and I'm basically in a haze most of the day. With that haze I have zero urgency... I will sit there watch the clock in the morning doing the minimal and then show up to work 20 minutes late but I'm aware of it I just don't care. Also I don't know words anymore. I mean I guess I've always been bad at coming up with the perfect word right at first but it's definitely worse than normal. It hasn't even been 2 weeks yet, so I'm still regulating but I'm not happy at all which can't be the point. I want to be less depressed and I don't remember ever feeling this low. Now with the pills it's also coming up on my wedding anniversary which is also the anniversary of my break up with my husband and his birthday is this month as well. I'ts also the anniversary of the COVID shut downs meaning it's pretty much been a year since I've hungout with anyone outside of work. So I can't blame it all on the drugs. But with that, it might be time to take different drugs to relax and stop thinking about all those things... I don't want to do anything anyway, I might as well get high and chill on the couch.

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