Buy Yourself the Fucking Lilies

This is a self help book... But it was written by a comedian so it's not lame... Tara Schuster is the author. Anyway, like any self help book this gives a lot of advice. Some of it is helpful while some of it is something that only works for a few people. But the concept of reparenting will be helpful for anyone. It's this theory that we're raised in a certain way that gives all of us trauma but, we don't have to stick with our upbringing. We all have the ability to re-raise ourselves. We can tear down the personality traits and the toxicity that we were raised in and become our own people. I think I knew that at a certain level, I did leave my religion at 30 while also dropping my political views, my views on control, and in a way my body issues. But then internally I still consider myself a "heathen" and when I talk about my religion I say "we". There are plenty of things that I'm still severely fucked up about. A concept that Tara talks about that resonated before even reading the book is money. She talks about how she was constantly focused on money because it seemed like her parents cared about having everything except money. So she lived very minimally so that she didn't have to worry about money except, she was just constantely worrying about how much everything costs so she just didn't spend money on anything she didn't have to. So that caused different money issues. I can relate to that because my parents were unlucky with work a lot of the time I was growing up. My dad would try different kinds of jobs that would get him more money for the family but often that would backfire and we would be poor again. I've heard some people are good at hiding their finances from their family, my parents are not like that. There were many times the church would pay for our food and Christmas's where we would be put on those angel tree things. I'm not embarrased by that, I never was. I appreciated the hustle. But it made me less likely to take risky jobs even though they're ones that I would have been good at. I didn't keep my money around because I didn't trust the concept of money. I learned quickly to live within my means but to basically spend all the money because they won't take your stuff but they can take your money. I don't know who I thought would take my money? But I was sure they could. I won't save for the things that I really want but I can buy any dumb thing that I can afford at the moment. Another thing she talks about that resonates with me is squad or gang or tribe. I actually can't even remember what she calls it but I can super relate to it. So she says she has a few solid, constant friends. Quality over quantity. I've always admired that but I haven't been able to relate to it. I've always wanted a solid squad like that and don't get me wrong, I've had a few solid crews for a good year or 2 at a time... But that's not the long lasting Friend's style friendship that I want. So I've ended up with 1000 facebook friends but only 2 or 3 people who have stuck around through all of it. Steph, we met when we were 4. She had older siblings who had plenty of friends around but there hadn't been a girl around for her to play with so the very first day she saw me she came up and introduced herself and asked me to play and then later sleep over. Now we had almost nothing in common, and still don't but we have that connection now and although we maybe see each other once a year we know we're there for each other. Jamie, we met in seventh grade but we were both so shy and already quiet we didn't connect right away. But we considered each other friends. In high school we became best friends and by the time we graduated we did almost everything together. We even worked together. However we did go to different colleges so over the years we weren't as close and then naturally marriage pushed us even farther but I know that I can call her up and she will be there for me forever. There is no distance in my heart. Lish, we met at work just kind of recently. Probably 3 years ago but our bond was immediate and strong. After a day of talking we turned to each other and basically both said "I think you're me." Once again, we've been on different schedules, she got a new job, global pandemic and just different phases of life has showed us that we can get through the distance. I also credit her to the most influential girl power squad I've ever had. Chala and Alix are through her but I am so grateful for them in my life. All that to say. I did like this book but sorry, this is as much as a thank you note as y'all ever going to get. That is not my style.