The Struggle

This week was something let me tell you! Well first off let me tell or remind you that with my work schedule I tend to think of 14 days as a week because of my work schedule… In my mind it makes sense. So when I say this week I mean the one that started May 18 and ends May 31… So now to the excitement, I came into work basically on my Monday to my department telling me I need to train the rest of the larger department how to do something that didn't exist when I left the week before… So I spent 30 minutes learning and then went out and taught 50 people how to do this new process that we just started. That took up my first day. And my best friend decided that she wasn't going on the trip we had planned for our weekend… The trip that I had already spent $500 on an AirBNB for… So that was cool. The second day I tried to take it slow but almost immediately I was given a list of other people on other teams that had to be trained as well so I felt like I had to do it immediately. That took up the first 8 hours of the second day. Then I was finally able to check the errors that my team had made last week. Often that in itself takes up the entire first day. Then I had a date that night. He asked if I wanted to go out or stay in and even though I want to be the person who just wants to go out, I just couldn't work up the enthusiasm. So we stayed in and watched a movie and other things… But I'm currently in a phase where I'm almost too emotionally exhausted to even want to do that stuff… But I did because it was natural and I do like the guy. But afterwards it got super awkward and basically the vibe has been off ever since… But on Thursday I had to train and check all the errors that I hadn't checked the day before, all in all a normal day. All while thinking about the awkwardness that was going on from the night before. I tried to message the guy and gauge his reaction and it just seemed standoffish and lame so I was once again on edge. I just kind of feel like he's not the guy I want him to be but I also kind of feel like this is all in my head and he's not even thinking about me at all. This shit is so complicated. Then Friday was the start of the slower work days… So lucky me because I was able to think of all the weirdness from this guy and my best friend who is abandoning me. Luckily my friend Veronica decided that she could go on the girls trip with me instead so it will still be fun. But I'm still very hurt from the other friend just completely abandoning me with no care at all. She hasn't even looked at me all week. I she's trying to prove my loyalty but It's super not working. I'm pissed about her pushing me away and worse than that pretending that she isn't. It's driving me crazy. But I was able to comp a trainer… So at least I did some real work. Saturday was another super boring day… I basically begged someone to let me comp them. The rest of the time was basically just having heart to hearts with my friend Red. I did set up and make fakes for another training this week. But it was really just a lot of commiserating, it was rough! Sunday I did the training and spent some time prepping for Monday as well and still not talking to my best friend and the guy I had been seeing also not talking to me… So anxiety was high and then to add to it some girl texted me saying I had slept with her boyfriend. A year ago! Granted we had kept talking but I've only seen the guy twice since 2014. We are not close. So it was awkward and I feel bad but I don't think I am to blame at all for this. I mean, I thought the guy was a step above hermit and apparently I was really wrong but I don't think that's on me either. I'm very confused by this whole situation but I don't really feel affected by it… Does that make sense? Like this knowledge doesn't hurt me at all except that he seems more creepy and manipulative than I could have ever imagined? So spent all Sunday agonizing about that confusion. Monday I got stood up for another training so I moved on to another person and then the earlier one showed up.. I ended up testing them on 2 different things at the same time. It was very challenging but I like those kind of challenges… So I did embrace it but also that meant I had nothing to do the rest of the day! It was so annoying. So I've just been sitting here lost in my mind the rest of the day. I did talk to the guy from Wednesday but it seemed so forced and not authentic. I hate everything about this week but I have 1 more day of work and then vacation for the next 4 days… I can make it!