Decisions

Ok so I actually don't have any decisions to make. But I'm seeing someone and it's really fast but it's different... So I'm sure I've already mentioned all this but I told him that I would be willing to follow the guy to Phoenix, I've always been curious about Arizona and I love the heat. Plus I have this really weird connection to him so I kind of think of him as a chance to experience the part of my life that was only in my mind previously. I definitely won't follow some guy that I've been seeing for a couple months but I told him if we could still make it work for a little while with distance than I would definitely follow asap. Now for the new decisions, he's trying to figure out what to do and he's very anxious about it. So with that he's naturally talking to me about all these thoughts he's having. I'm really trying to be supportive but for each thought he has I then have a mental battle thinking if I should just tell him all the pros and cons or if I can think about how all this affects me. It's really hard to not be selfish about it. And with every plan he tells me I inevitably think about my plan for if he does this plan. So then I get confused. None of this is a big deal at all and I can easily keep my excitement up about and for him. I really want him to feel good about where he is in life. At this point I feel really tied to what he decides and so it also gives me anxiety that he can't decide. With all of that I also know that I don't feel good about where I am in life. I'm having major escaping vibes. I want to quit and run away to the jungle somewhere. I'm so over everything right now. A couple of weeks ago I was very social and everything was great because I was ignoring everything. But then last week I let myself breath and now I can't stop thinking. I'm so anxious but I'm trying to keep people from knowing so then it manifests by me tearing my nails apart, or kicking things close to me, or finding bubblewrap at work and needing to pop every single bubble... The guy asked me a couple days ago what I was so anxious about and I can't even tell him because it's not anything specific. I just don't want to be here doing these things... That is as specific as I can make it.

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