The worst!

Ugh, I don't know what happened this week but I guess it has something to do with just recognizing the anxiety that has been coursing through me! I thought I was doing completely fine, good even but last week everything took a turn. So I think what was really happening was that I ignoring thoughts, feelings, emotions, and my mental health in general. So 2 weeks ago when my therapist asked if I was maybe doing that, it got me thinking even though I told her I was fine. See summer is for doing. And I was doing so good. But I'm beginning to think that maybe just because I'm not actively thinking and feeling doesn't mean those things aren't happening in my body without me knowing... So basically my therapist forced me down the spiral slide so I need a new one now. Just kidding but it has been very rough since the realization. Here's the crazy thing though. All my therapist did was put it on my mind and my body did the rest. The first thing that went was my sleeping. I didn't notice that at first either though because it was my off week so I didn't need to be up for anything so I just let myself sleep when I could. So when I started getting ready for work I realized that my sleep pattern was super off again and sure enough that was enough to lead me into everything else. I stopped eating everything except candy and my hands. I had 1 meal in 3 days last weekend but I sure enough chewed the shit out of my fingers and nails and ate at least a box of candy each day, oh and drank so much stupid soda. That was enough to make me realize what was going on but now how do I fix it? And that causes the stress and pressure that causes actual body pain. At this point, the anxiety is super physical. My ankle hurts, my knee hurts, my back hurts and often my head hurts. I don't know what to do about these because they seem super psychosomatic which causes me more anxiety. I have people telling me that I need to get medication at this point and sure, that might be what I need but that is the last thing I want. I don't want to be tied to medication. This is all so dumb and stressful!