Thanksgiving

So my family tries to keep the same routine that we've had forever. Well that's not really true, as kids we would always go to St. George but when school, work and sports took over things changed. So we started doing it at home. Now my parents are for the most part empty nesters (I still live there but I try to not be in the way.) This year as I mentioned last week, my brother was here too. So we did a big fancy Thanksgiving for the 4 of us. It was not exciting. It was awkward because Thanksgiving food while good is not often great and definitely not my favorite foods. Dylan and I tried so hard to be present with the family but we have different beliefs from them and they refuse to let us be ourselves around them. In fact on Saturday we talked about doing something with dad but nothing happened and eventually we went out without them. See we weren't eager to go out with them because they wont' let us drink... Not that we have to drink all the time but also when we're doing stuff like that we want to drink. So moral of the story is that having my brother around was great as I love him and all, but it was also kind of a heavy trip. Like my brother has been depressed so I was trying to be there for him, but I'm highly anxious these days so it was hard for me to try to do anything. So we watched 30 Rock. All week. Seriously went through 5 seasons! And he played video games and I played with my legos. So basically the only thing that changed was that he was there. But I was still anxious about it... I wanted to watch other things. I still felt that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. Am I just a person who doesn't like having people in my space? Even if I like them in my space? See, this is the anxiety that I am feeling. All the questions, none of the answers. It's been weeks like this and I don't see how to get passed it. Like is this even solvable or is this just how life is now? Is there ever any relief?